you’re welcome for more

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it’s the most wonderful time of the year. some of us appear nicer, have hearts full of cheer and eager for new beginnings when that glittery ball drops. but think to the last time you gave something or fulfilled someone’s request and were shown appreciation. in that giving, how many times did you say “you’re welcome” when someone said “thank you?” to the receiver, those words can be an offering of (deeper) trust.

i have a friend that replies “you’re welcome” when anyone says “thank you.” the last time he said it, it hit me in a different, non-pageantry way. my heart received it. it was his own sense of appreciation and i felt it was invitation for him to serve and give again. it assured me that his generosity was genuine.  so in your giving spirit this season, consider a “you’re welcome” when you’re thanked for the compliment, gift or time you gave. it’s small, but mighty.  

a boy who loves – j. darius greene


hard to date, easy to love

Posted Leave a commentPosted in family, for boys who love, love

ever heard something so dope and impactful that you instantly got what it meant for you but the person ruined it with the explanation? yea, me too. at our family thanksgiving vacation, my cousin said to me, “you’re probably hard to date.” i knew exactly what she meant, didn’t inquire and she didn’t explain. there was no need to. i got it for me…or what i needed to hear for where i am with myself right now. (more…)

no need speed racer

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slow down sir, there’s no fire,” the strange, thick, caribbean accent shouted as i strutted and strolled to my office. “who are you,” i thought? this man didn’t know i always walk fast. he didn’t know i knew exactly where i was going. he also didn’t know i walked this same route every…single…day. i don’t think he cared about any of that. what he wisely knew however, is that no matter my destination, i didn’t have to rush. and i should enjoy the beauty of the journey. he was right.

a boy who loves – j. darius greene

bless your heart white women

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i have white women friends. [insert “i have black friends” comparison]. i like them. understand them and know a handful that are phenomenal (y’all know who you are because i’ve told you). but some bother, confuse and vex my spirit. how they vote proves it.

in 2016, exit polls showed that 52% of white women voted against another white woman. against! this after the man they voted for grabbed their pussies, had side chicks and wants to control their bodies. in last night’s midterm elections, 59% voted for status quo in texas. but that guy in texas wants to control your body, too. according to cnn exit polls, 49% of white women voted for democrats and 49% voted republicans in the 2018 mid-term elections. their not knowing who they are and what they want is what give me pause. what! do! you! stand! for?!?!

one thing about black people, especially black women, for bad or good, is that you know what you’re getting. no matter the situation, you know. when i go visit my parents, i know my mama is going to have a stack of things for me to take back home. i will doubt taking it and she will insist. i also know her thoughts on me being gay. it ain’t gonna change and i don’t force it. not the most progress perhaps, but i know what i’m getting and it’s rooted in love and respect. i know when i go to any black house for a cookout (any black house!), there’s going to be potato salad. it will be yellow or off white but it will always be cold. white women are different. they serve hot and cold ‘tata salad. some of them say one thing to appease you, then do another behind your back. or worse, they say nothing at all. i remember in 2008 a white woman colleague was a huge obama supporter. had obama stickers everywhere. but i always knew she would never, nor wanted to, see other black men the way she saw obama and that bothered me. she was fascinated with him, not all of us. she never sought understanding and i never trusted her fake, lipstick on teeth smiles.

i’ll never advocate for any group being a monolith. difference is fine but there’s power in numbers. and unified voices speak loudly and we know what they’re saying. i also know that the lesser of evils are a tad bit easier to deal with, so… bless your heart white women. just bless your heart. when you know what you want, let us know.

a boy who loves – j. darius greene

to give or not give a fck

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you gotta leave grown folk alone,” my uncle told me a few years. it’s still true. there’s a little ‘fuck em, let em do what they do‘ in there, too. i agree. do you! but shouldn’t there be consideration given when thinking about what to give fucks about and what not to? a level of care toward it. most likely, we don’t give a fuck about people or things because we don’t know that much about them or it. or another, maybe more valid reason is because there’s no respect. when they try to take your vote, there’s no respect. or try to force a gender on you: no respect. say #sowhat to your #metoo: no respect, zero reflection and not a drop of empathy. (more…)

don’t get too comfortable

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last weekend some friends and i bar hopped around dc. when the rooftop at our regular spot was closed for a private event, we headed to another familiar, eye-candied one. as usual, we caught up with old friends, met new ones and ended the night full of little white receipts from our adventures. there were definitely a few nice things to look at. and i love beautiful things – clothes, food, people, art, etc. i love watching (ask me about that one time i got caught and was cussed out by a lady in oakland). and sometimes i want to go beyond looking. i might want to buy it. or try it on. and others, i might want to get to know it better. so over the weekend when a cutie caught my friends eye and i heard him say, “i like ’em, but i don’t want to keep em around,” i wondered what he meant. i can be reading too much into it. maybe he too, just wanted to see some good eye candy and knew it would never be anything more. but still, i thought what was underneath it.

we all know people who enjoy having people around. they have the best parties, know everybody and can tell you where all the action is. they feed off the energy of others. for some, they need others around. the thought of being alone can be hard. to sit with themselves – their thoughts, ideas, fears and hopes is a struggle. they keep new people around and soon, they’re gone. but is this how human connection goes? and if we “don’t want to keep ’em around,” do we let ’em know it’s a temporary thing? lawd knows i’ve had some fun, fleeting moments. but the most memorable ones have been meaningful. and lasting.

a boy who loves – j. darius greene

still kicking, just not that high

Posted Leave a commentPosted in family, for boys who love, love, Uncategorized

one of the greatest men i ever knew was my granddaddy, connie wesley manley. i love him more years after he’s gone. i wrote a poem for him in my book and i said there that daily i rise deeper into the man he was. and at 41, i’m finally understanding him. his life has taught me both growth and grit. growing up, i thought he was the most stubborn man alive. if you wanted a soda and asked him for a quarter, he’d want his money back the next time you saw him. what he was doing however, was holding people accountable – you give your word, you keep your word. (more…)

what is masculinity?

Posted Leave a commentPosted in family, for boys who love, love, masculinity
some years ago i had a party to celebrate a friend. not sure how, but i had about 20 people in my tight, comfy one bedroom apartment. about an hour into it, my cousin arrived. he’s about 6’2″, bald head with linebacker broad shoulders. he turned heads. he strutted thru, dressed in all black like the omen. my friends, mostly black gay, were gawking like he was the black clark gable. i knew what they were thinking – he’s masculine. i also had to tell a few of them that his wife would kick their ass.┬ábut what about his energy was so attractive to them? they didn’t know him and he hadn’t spoken a single word.

(more…)